Saturday, October 17, 2009

I hope she knows.

Had a cold long night last night. Started out volunteering with Henson, Ryan, Jennifer, Vicky, Joel, Greg, Dustin, Shawn, and Jordan to help run a football game for the Asheville Saints vs. Asheville School. Talk about cold! The first half wasn't so bad. Hell the 3rd quarter wasn't that bad. Fourth quarter rolls around and we are all freezing our asses off. Even though it was really cold it was for a good cause and we all got our 4 hours in to gain a Tag Team Award for the store as well as 1000 dollars to be donated to the Asheville Saints.

After the game Dustin, Greg and his girlfriend Jessi, Ryan, and myself went to Hanna Flannagans to get a drink and just warm up and hang out. Hannah's was dead so after I played a few games of pool we decided to leave and go to Scully's which was right down the street. Jordan ended up joining us at Skully's and we all did our best to cheer her up and get her to stop crying because of drama going on between her and her ex boyfriend. All in all it was a good night out spent with my friends from work.

I miss Brittany. I love her and even though sometimes she doesn't believe me I would never hurt that girl. 19 days to go until I get to hold her again, I'm counting down every second. =]

I started tanning again! I want to look good for my baby when she gets here. I went down there today and the girl working had her little girl there with her and she was SO cute! She was running up and down the hallway going into the open rooms and trying out the tanning beds. They weren't turning on of course but she was having such a good time! I can't wait to have a little baby of my own and it seems here lately that every little baby i see I want to snatch it up and take to Brittany so we can all play together lofl!!

I miss you darling.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

She's so cute.

So let me tell you a little bit about something that happens ever night. Brittany and I always end up having the "you always fall asleep on me" conversation. Even on nights like tonight when she says 'I'm wide awake and will be for about 20 minutes,' it only takes a matter of seconds of her head hitting the pillow that she passes out into a night full of weird dreams.

This gives me the opportunity every night to really think about us. Even though I've never been one to do real deep thinking about one topic for hours on end I can't help but constantly have my thoughts and my dreams revolving around her.

This is something I have NEVER had before. It just makes me so incredibly happy that somehow I deserve this. We deserve this. Brittany Marie Beaupre is the love of my life and I will be with her until the day that I die. I went through my text messages tonight and read some from months ago that really made me smile and brought back memories.
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May 31, 2009 10:44pm
I love you Jason Michael Ivey, with my entire heart that forever belongs to you.
--I was laying on my bed
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May 31, 2009 10:55
You're the best thing to ever happen to me I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you.
--Still on my bed with the most incredible feeling overwhelming me.
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June 8, 2009 2:30am--Priority set to 'High'
I love you with everything i am. and i'm never going to stop. you are the first guy ive ever fallen for that i was meant to fall for. you treat me right and you love me for ME. thats what matters. and im so happy every other girl has passed you up, no matter how much it may have hurt or pissed you off, same goes for me, i am so happy for them and i thank them all, whoever they may be. because i can not wait to find out what life has in store for our future together. i love you so much jason. <3
--The most beautiful text message I've ever gotten. Without a doubt the girl that I am destined to spend my life with, I am forever hers with everything that I am.
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August 27, 2009 2:44am
i am going to marry you jason. i want your last name...i want a family with only you..i want to be with you for the rest of my life..but it doesnt stop the hurt of seeing you drive away like that..
--The first time she ever mentioned actually wanting to marry me. I know this is going to happen no matter how scared we both are of that huge step. Her name WILL be Brittany Ivey before this is all said and done. Doesn't matter if it is in a few years or 10 years or 15 years she will be my wife. Time to just sit back and enjoy the ride that life has in store for us because I know it is going to be one that is full of amazing feelings and new experiences.
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I keep these things because she really does mean that much to me. It's hard for a lot of people to understand but I do love her. I love her the way a man should love a woman. I love what the distance between us has done. I love the trust we have built together. I love how we appreciate each other so much more now when we are together after spending so much time apart. I love her with every ounce of my being and I'll forever try to better myself to meet everything that she deserves.

22 days left until I see the one person that makes my heart smile. Soon it will be 10 days and then 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I have a lot of things that I want us to do. She has a lot of important people to meet and I just want her to see where I come from and what has made me into the man I am today.

Until then, I'll continue to sleep on my side of the bed, with her perfume on the table next to me--waking up every morning to her scent is the most amazing feeling ever. I can't wait to be able to wake up to her every morning.

I love you Brittany.

--your muffin.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things get better every day.

How can I explain the way I feel after everything that happened today? Brittany bought her plane tickets today which make me SO happy to know that she's coming for sure. I feel like every day we grow closer. Sure, we have our fights from time to time, but we talk them out and get closer still.

I've got a lot of things planned for her when she gets here. A lot of people for her to meet, a lot of places for her to see. I think it's very important for her to know why I am the way I am, and where I come from and the people who have an impact on my life on a day-to-day basis.

I'm ready for her to be here, to be "home" and to spend time with me in our future home together as will be the norm in a few months.

37 days until the love of my life comes.

<3>

muffin

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Another night in the books.

What could I possibly say about today?

I woke up this morning and went straight to best buy to exchange out my computer monitor, the old one was acting up on me. The rest of the day was pretty simple, talked to Brittany like I always do and enjoy every moment just like I ALWAYS do.

So I know it's September but I already know what I'm getting Brittany for Christmas. I can't wait to see her when I can finally show her what I'm keeping such a secret. Even though I know she hates secrets and surprises I know that this will be one that she's more than happy to wait for.

The days keep getting shorter--which is good. Seems like today just started and it's already tomorrow already. Every day passing means that she's that much closer.

I made my wish tonight at 11:11 like I always do, Brittany didn't make it to 11:11 i believe she fell asleep around...10 her time lol.

Anyways I think thats a wrap for tonight--I'm watching dirty jobs because I can't sleep--surprise surprise!

Jason

ps. brittany is the love of my life, now, tomorrow, forever.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Late at night

9/22--2:48am

Once again it's nearly 3 in the morning can I cannot sleep at all. The thoughts of my baby linger on my mind every second of every day, why should bed time be any different?

I realized tonight that the hardest part of relationship that Brittany and I have built together is the impact of the distance on our hearts. I can't help but feel like I'm hurting her as the days go on because I can't be there to hold her like she needs.

The only thing I can do is tell her that I love her with all of my heart and that every bit of pain we are putting ourselves through is worth the amazing future we are going to have together.

As for me, I miss her terribly. I do everything I can to remind me of her every chance I have. When I drink a SODA I think of a POP, when I laugh I think about her hilarious laughing that I make fun of all the time, and every day when I wake up I smell her because her perfume bottle is always right next to my bed. Think I'm in love with this girl? I sure as hell do, and I couldn't possibly ask for anything more than what has already been given to me, she's perfect.

I do have a question though, and this has really stumped me. Why is it that I always have such a hard time remembering things but I can still tell you exactly what Brittany was wearing the day that I met her? I don't think I'll ever know the answer to that but I know that it means she is my something special--My one in a million.

In 44 days I'll have my world back in my arms.

Time for bed...well at least time to lay down and watch Cash Cab on discovery channel.


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Where to start.

Love isn't always the easiest thing to find.

From what I've seen around me even if someone finds that one special person they love, keeping that love can sometimes be harder.

With her, that's not the case.

April 18th my life changed forever. How could someone so special come into my life seemingly out of thin air? My answer...who cares? Because the love that I have found in Brittany Marie Beaupre is so amazing that I want the whole world to know. What makes this girl even more special is she's waiting for me...for ME! As unreal as that sounds, I'm very happy that it is the truth.

It's been 24 days since I held her tight, outside her house and cried my eyes out. She saw, her parents saw, her sister saw, her neighbors saw...but I don't care. My time spent with her is...incredible to say the least. Waking up every day for 2 weeks knowing that she was only 3-4 miles away. Being able to go see her whenever my lazy ass would finally crawl out of bed...I miss it. I miss her so much that it's almost impossible to really get the picture across through words, but she understands exactly how it feels.

It hurts me to know that I can't be there. To know that she is hurting that I'm so far away. To know that I can't hold her until she falls asleep every night, and be there whenever she kicks me during a nightmare. But I know all this hurt is worth it. Every ounce of sadness that I feel day in and day out is worth the future that her and I are going to have together. I used to be afraid of such a strong committment but its amazing what that one special person will do for you.

9/21. 12:46am

I got to see Brittany today. Through a webcam that I bought her months ago. I still remember calling the store to buy it, telling them that my girlfriend would be picking it up later. I had no idea that they would give her the hold slip that said just that. Embarassed to say the least, she saw what was written and joked on me about it, but I didn't care.

Seeing her sitting in her room, a room I have been in several times, made me so happy I almost couldn't contain myself. I really want that to be a daily occurance because the more we can see of eachother, the easier this 638 miles between us will be to cope with.

Brittany-

I love you more than I'll ever be able to show you but I promise that I'll do everything in my power to help you understand. You are my one in a million. The one that I'm meant to be with and I WILL be with you. I think you fell asleep on me because you quit texting--happens quite often but it's cute everynight.

I know this distance is hard on you but we've done this twice already. From April to June, from June to August. From August to November.

I can't wait to introduce you to everyone, they ask every day about how you are doing.

I'm going to post something to this blog every night, just like I hope you are writing to me in your book every night.

Sweet dreams, and try to not make me turn out to be an asshole in this one!

Your muffin,
Jason Michael Ivey